Burnout

 

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Burnout.

Not to be confused with depression, sadness, or basic overwhelm. 

According to the APA (American Psychological Association), burnout is: 

n. physical, emotional, or mental exhaustion accompanied by decreased motivation, lowered performance, and negative attitudes toward oneself and others. It results from performing at a high level until stress and tension, especially from extreme and prolonged physical or mental exertion or an overburdening workload, take their toll. The word was first used in this sense in 1975 by U.S. psychologist Herbert J. Freudenberger (1926–1999) in referring to workers in clinics with heavy caseloads. Burnout is most often observed in professionals who work in service-oriented vocations (e.g., social workers, teachers, correctional officers) and experience chronic high levels of stress. It can be particularly acute in therapists or counselors doing trauma work, who feel overwhelmed by the cumulative secondary trauma of witnessing the effects.

My Burnout

It was a slow moving fire. I was ignited without even realizing it. Like the frog in the pot. Before I knew what happened, I just wasn't in control anymore. 

My central nervous system could not handle a single demand. A single prompt. Even the thought of answering the phone (for a pleasant call -though few and far between) became arduous. 

I was stifled. Stilted. Frozen.

The worst part is that I wouldn't stop. I kept going. I kept denying that it was burnout. I called it by every name but what it was. Stress. Exhaustion. Hard circumstances. But never burnout.

I couldn't admit that stress had consumed me. I was a mental health professional. A personal trainer. Not me. No not me!

But oh yes, definitely me. Had I looked at the reality of my own situation, I would have put everything and I mean everything on hold.

Burnout recovery doesn't lie in doing something differently, it lies in doing nothing frequently. 

How I'm Recovering Myself

Slow. Steady. Crawling movements forward.

I started another masters program, and I will exit early. I am working to accept the defeat of it all, but the time has come. My soul energy OVER achievement.

I use the phrase, "I can't" often. People say don't do that. Don't "give up". Guess what? my body and brain have given up. They have said, "No more. Don't pile another thing on us. We are short circuiting."

Giving up is honoring me. My bandwidth. My energy.  

I am taking less phone calls-though I didn't get many in the first place. I am throwing away more. Cleaning efficiently, but less. Taking things off of my to-do list. Replacing it with "nothing time". 

This has been harder than when I lost 80+ pounds 20 years ago. Now I am in mid-life, I have 70+ pounds to lose, I am an isolated caregiver and am burned out. I will share here what I do to recover myself.

If you are in a similar boat... you are not alone at sea. Please come back here if anything resonates or makes you feel less alone. We can do this. One deleted to-do list item at a time.