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| stock photo: comforting bath |
Hi there. I am so happy that you are here.
This blog must be anonymous because one of the people that I am a full-time carer for hasn't told anyone about their illness.
A little bit about me... I am a middle age woman who lived a pretty fit (though very stressful life) for decades. I am a single full-time to my disabled daughter, and I decided to go back to school a few years ago.
I've been struggling. Like really struggling. I don't really use social media and have been extremely isolated as a result of my caregiving responsibilities. The secret of my family member's illness has eaten away at my self-esteem, my autonomy, and my belief in my own self-efficacy.
I've started and restarted this journey about 15 times in the past 2 years. I am going to make a bullet list of what hasn't worked and what I am aiming to do moving forward.
Here's what I know:
- Mid-life hits different. What worked before does not work now. Mid-life isn't 80. I still have time to turn my health around.
- Burying my head in the sand didn't help at all. Canceling doctor appts. Hiding in shame because of the 70+ pounds I gained.
- Depression is real. Even for a person with a background in psychology, it is real. I thought I was so ahead of it all because of my professional training, but it was worse. I ignored things I should have paid attention to, but that's okay. I am here now.
- Isolation exacerbates bad times. Even though this blog will be anonymous, please feel free to comment or email me if you need an "ear" and I will do my best to get back to you. Community is clearly the key and it hurts me to say that as a deep introvert.
- I have all the tools I need to be successful. I do. I have to accept that I need to go back to the drawing board on health and fitness> I can't coast on my past successes.
- I won't make it from where I am now to where I want to be by using the same habits that created this mess to fix it.
- Self-compassion will be my cornerstone on this journey
What didn't work:
- Exercising at full force daily. I LOVE training. I LOVE sweating. My body is deconditioned and I just wore myself down and increased inflammation in my body.
- Super slow = okay. It sounds obvious, but it isn't. If I actually started sustainably two years ago and only lost a pound a month, I'd be down 24 pounds and have increased muscle tone and cardiovascular fitness, but instead I had weeks of perfection, followed by pepperoni pizza/netflix binges.
- Not starting inside. I am a journaller. A talker. A meditator. Whenever I skip the deep soul work in favor of the "hustle" way of doing literally anything, I suffer.
- Watching YouTube or Netflix or Hulu all night as "entertainment" feels like a restful activity, but it isn't. It hijacked my brain and emotional centers and takes me farther away from a state of peace.
