I don't need to be excited by my life right now

Getting on auto-ship for anything other than coffee is a mistake.

I do enjoy protein powder, but not as much as I enjoy food. The sodium is also quite high, so now I am on a mission to eat it up. I'm not a fan of wasting things so here goes...

The past few days the scale hasn't moved, but I don't care because I am feeling better in my body, sleeping better (long way to go here), and all around feeling healthier.

I am tracking my weight daily, and my calories. These are things I wasn't doing. It's not that difficult (tedious yes), but not hard. 

What's hard is being 65 pounds overweight, not having anything to wear, staying inside on beautiful days because I am uncomfortable in my body, and breathing hard going up two flights of stairs.

I've renegotiated my definition of hard.

I'm a step-by-step Type A person, so for anyone whom this could help...

Current Daily Plan:

1. Wake up
2. Balance scale (my scale is off but I won't buy a new one so I use a weight (whose weight I know) and adjust what the scale says to have an accurate account of my weight
3. Make a hot cup of pour over coffee (light roast iykyk)
4. Get dressed in basic (sometimes unwashed 🤫 ) exercise clothes- or clothes to exercise in
5. Sit at kitchen table and write in my journal, eat coffee, plan the day, look at financial balances most days, plan some of my calories for the day (including a small treat for mental health)
6. Pre workout + creatine before exercise in my living room/ dining room / study room / bedroom

I'm really clinging to my groundhog theme for this summer. I don't need to be excited by my life right now.

If something starts to feel too exciting, I reevaluate.

This is what led me to being 65 pounds overweight. 

Silent caregiving

Hiding.

Isolation

Emotional pain.

I needed excitement and I found it in vegan processed sodium filled junk food.

Now, I have 65 pounds of toxic sludge inside my body and cells, and I remind myself that I need some self-discipline and self-respect in order to see what I've done myself, and make a safe and calm plan for changing it.

In 2026, it's almost controversial to say these things, but I will continue to say them.

It's OKAY to want to lose weight and be healthy.

It's OKAY to be in a struggle season of life, but still want to take care of yourself somehow someway.

It's OKAY if your weight loss and wellness journey doesn't look like the "4 am, matcha on the beach" images that social media shows.

Use this quiet, silent season of yourself to slowly get started.

You are not alone.