Habits Learned While Caregiving Halted Progress (Habit Work)

Sure I'm in perimenopause and my body is becoming a bit of a stranger, but it's the habits that are holding me back.

I had one bad day and that snowballed into a bad week and a half. Only for about 3 days did I go "off the rails" a bit. It's only because life gets so hard I think to myself, "What difference does this make?"

I'm usually sooooo exhausted come the end of the day, and this week my blow up bed broke, so until I secure a couch or another blow up bed, I have been sleeping on the floor with a mat. This isn't being said for pity, it's just the truth of my life's circumstance.

Sometimes I just stare at the wall like, "Is this really my life right now?"

In other news, I skipped exercise, intentional movement for about 2 weeks except a few slow walks here and there and a few squats.

The simple plan that I made could still have been done if I broke it up into a 3rd and that's where mentally working on wellness comes in. If I don't have a mental plan that is solid, none of the rest makes any sense to me.

As an isolate caregiver, most of the time it's just saying, "You really deserve to be healthy", and believing it. Truly believing it. 

We are going to take a few days away, and caregiver traveling is anxiety inducing on the best of days, but I am hoping and praying that I can center my brain enough (while sleeping in an actual bed) to focus on a simplifying plan for my life and house.

When I feel anxiety grip me the most is when I have so much going on: too many dishes around, loads of clothes to fold, mail unopened. It's all just too much sometimes 

Still tracking for the most part- even on 3800 calorie days.

Still doing at home workouts- even when it's for 5 minutes

Note to self: It's okay. You're doing your best. This is hard, and it hurts. It will get better

10 Second Gym Commute + Simple Training

Well, I've mentioned a million (okay maybe just 3) times that with true clinical burnout I struggle to make decisions.

I love(d) exercise, and I in an effort to be consistent, I know that dreaming of a perfect workout plan- you know, the ones I used to do way back when I was fit and life made sense, is a waste of time.

A short, low buy-in, easy peasy lemon squeezey plan right in my living room/bedroom/office is the way to go.

I am ACTIVELY working to change what my plans are and the way that I approach training right now.

Shocker, but it all comes back to acceptance. 

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I dream of going back to the gym. The slow drive with music on sipping caffiene and feeling great... ahhh. Okay reality strikes and I can barely make it to the mailbox, so let me make my plan to walk 10 paces from the kitchen to the mat and go back OLD SCHOOL.

Back in the day, I used to have one jump rope, and one kettlebell and I was so fit and in shape. I felt great and my programming was innovative, fresh, and I was rarely (if ever) bored. 

I'm much heavier so jumping rope causes shin splints that burn like battery acid, so I am doing just 30 seconds at a time and resting a great deal- I have hope that I'll be back to it in a few months. Slow steady progress.

Today i'll do what I've been doing... keeping it so simple that it has to be easy.

Today's Home Gym Plan:

• Same tights (clean), tshirt, socks, tennis shoes laced up. 
• Playlist, YouTube videos of people working out in the gym (it's a mental thing).
• Water bottle + ice cubes
• Set big timer on 45 minutes (60 is a full goal)
• Timer set on 30 seconds. 
• alternate strength move with some cardio moves
• Stretch for 5 minutes after
• Maybe walk very slowly and watch Love Island or something else....maybe read?

I have to attend a webinar this morning, so my normal "get going early" plan will be shifted to early evening when I hate working out.

I'm trying to be more flexible... stop telling myself things like, "I have to do this, or I only exercise at this or that time".

I definitely have been living partly in a hell of my own making. I wanted things to be predictable because it made me feel safe. Made my central nervous system feel calm. 

I'll let you know how it goes. 

Wishing you luck as well. 

I Actually CAN'T Do Everything

Yep. Burnout sucks, but true burnout means my ability to multi-task is severed. Forcing myself to push through only leads to eating snacks at night and feeling sorry for myself.

Every time I think I have a "simple" plan figured out, I realize I need to simplify it even more. I"m talking a turtle's pace. 

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The hardest part of it all recently has been admitting just how difficult the most basic and simple tasks seem to be. Let me name them:

1. Checking the mail everyday
2. Organizing/ tidying my space
3. Doing more than ONE basic or major tasks per day
4. Returning phone calls
5. Making important phone calls
6. Scheduling necessary appointments

The list goes on, but you get the point.

How is it that I am really figuring out that weight loss comes much later in this process. I have to calm down my mind and body. Restore faith in basic mindful living, and realize that no one else is coming to save or help with it.

This isn't to be pessimistic. Quite the opposite.

Acceptance is the breeding ground for better days ahead. 

Caregiving is mandatory. Perfectly doing it is not.

Exercise and eating well is mandatory for a healthy body and mind. Perfectly doing it is not.

I've realized I have to slow well down. Like WELL down. If I am going to be effective at any list of tasks, I have to stop planning 10 things in a day's time and plan one.

It feels like I am not getting anything done, but one per day is better than none per week because I've burned myself out much more quickly than the average person. 

So, it's Saturday morning. I have slept about 7 hours after only sleep 5 for the past two nights. 

I've made a bowl of oatmeal + flax + cauliflower + strawberries & a protein shake.

I've journaled, meditated, said a prayer, and did a few pages of reading on psychology.

My plan is to walk on my treadmill and I won't plan anything else until I can successfully do that. 

Things I need to accept:

1. It's hard for me to do more than one thing at a time
2. I need a lot of time in the morning to enter the day
3. I need better sleeping hygiene habits (goal for next week)
4. This is hard and it sucks and I feel alone- but I can and will survive it
5. No one is coming to save me
6. I get to choose how I go through the rest of the month, it doesn't have to just happen to me.
7. Something will always be better than nothing
8. Perfect is the enemy of done

Alright... if you're stuck... exhausted... burned out.... feeling lost... I FEEL you.

No one is coming to save your situation (maybe they are, but I"m talking to those in a similar position to me). 

So, just for today...

• drink a cup of water right now, 
• do 5 minutes of movement (set a timer), 
• clean one area or start a load of laundry, 
• take a deep breath.

We can do this. One hour a time today.